I think it’s pretty much a common desire for most people to be met by a large crowd of clapping people expressing their admiration, respect, or approval.

Well, last night I got to experience something like that. By donning that simple yellow shirt, I told hundreds of people, people I know by face only, something I reserve for telling my friends.

And I gotta say, it felt pretty good.

While I initially felt reluctant to ‘come out of the cancer closet’ in such an open way I felt a lot more relieved that it was kind of in the open and that I no longer have to feel like I’m hiding anything.

Not that I ‘hid it’ per se… you know what I mean

I know I’ve said it a lot, but I want to thank all my friends again who came last night to help. It meant a lot to me and it made you even better friends… if that’s possible. It also is inspiring to see so many people my age care enough to come out so extravagantly and raise over 70,000 dollars.

For those of you who haven’t done this before, I highly recommend doing it and hopefully you realize how much it means to the people to whom you applaud.

I don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve been feeling extremely restless. University is starting to feel a little old. I feel caged in, a problem that is worsened by the fact that I’m unsure of what I want to do with my life.

I feel like I need a change of scenery soon.

I want to be worldly, I want to help people but not in any specific aspect. I just want to feel as if I’m helping to make a difference. I know I’m being extremely vague. I just want to feel like there’s something good in this world and that positivity exists, despite what we see on the news.

I also know how cliche this sounds but I feel like I need to say it.

I’ve been thinking of starting small, maybe starting something small scale here… but again I need to come up with something I can devote my time to and see through.

If anyone wants to help they know where to find me…

Peace

I’ve been listening to a lot of an Irish band called The Frames. They’re pretty awesome and their lyrics are amazing. This one sing in particular entitled, “What Happens When The Heart Just Stops” is a prime example of this and I think it fits in nicely with what I’ve been saying about how the world has lost its way. Enjoy. Hopefully I don’t get sued:

Here’s a link!:

http://www.youtube.com./watch?v=D65xqbclKMY&feature=related

Here’s the lyrics!:

So what happens when the heart just stops
Stops caring for anyone
The hollow in your chest dries up
And you stop believing

So what happens when the heart gives up
But the body goes on living
The blood crawls to a slow and stops
And flows away

Well we got no-one to meet
No love we would beseech
We only have ourselves to blame for everything
The was no answer in the dust
And I’m missing you so much
And now you’re sleeping
And I’m leaving

Empty-handed waiting
Time it will subside and we’ll agree
It was a given
Well there was no standard we could set
And the world it does regret
To have to leave you in this state of bereavement

You see I’m feeling everything
Nothing gets by

There is a hollow in my chest
The time I won’t forget
There is no comfort in the eyes
They put us always to the test
I can’t prepare myself for that
But I work it out in time
There is a love that flows between us
Ever-changing everyday
I worked myself up to a crawl
But I’m not fearing it at all
We have no reason left to stay
And that’s why we’re leaving
And there was no answer in the dust
And the one I feared to trust
There is a lie that drags us
Beating and pulling into disappointment

I’m disappointed
I’m disappointed
I’m disappointed

It’s so late, till you’re gone

Peace

I found out today that a professor I had last year is may become yet another casualty in the war against cancer. While miracles do happen, I hear it’s not looking good.

It’s not enough that something as cheap as an extreme sickness can prematurely end your life, it’s the degradation of the person that gets to me… the idea of them wasting away. I can only hope none of them feel the pain.

I constantly wish I didn’t have to think of something as depressing as cancer everyday.

But I do. I can’t help it.

Especially when it leaves daily reminders in your body of the worst time of your life. It’s hard to believe that I’ve overcome this thing twice in my life. It was also a grim realization that I may never be 100% again. It is still a lot to comprehend.It’s not something I really like to talk about, but I feel it helps me realize how lucky I am when things might not exactly be going great for me.

It’s strange to think that something as terrible as this gave me a newfound optimism for life. You just can’t let the bad things get to you.

It goes without saying that nothing like this ever happens to anyone I really care about. But if it does, I hope it happens to me again instead, because I don’t think I could handle seeing someone in a position that I know too well.

I am currently involved in Relay for Life. I hope everyone will do something to help prevent something terrible from happening to a loved one.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I just want people to understand that things are never really that bad and that they can always be so much worse.

So enjoy life and treat everyone with the utmost love and respect that you can afford unto them.

And if you’re a cancer survivor, never take it out on people like Lance Armstrong did. Read “It’s Not About The Bike” if you don’t believe me.

Peace.

I often wonder how powerful the whirlwind of stardom and commercial success is. While I often dream of being an incredibly successful musician, actor, or director, I often wonder if it’d just be safer here on the other side.

Perhaps the most perplexing of these questions deals with the corruption of previously ‘respectable’ people. The particular instance of which I speak is, as Rolling Stone Magazine calls it, “The Tragedy of Britney Spears.”

Is it really a tragedy, or is Rolling Stone moving from a central and objective position towards one that brings a noticeable amount of biasness? It’s not really the first time Rolling Stone has done so, as their constant ‘gooing’ over the flavour of the week has become increasingly more visible. Yes, I have a subscription…

Anyhow, back to Spears. Is it tragic? It is it possible to find an ounce of sympathy for someone who has obviously said yes to excess in virtually every aspect whether it was drunken marriages and lightning fast annulments and drugs and alcohol. And let’s not forget dear ole’ K Fed-Ex? Can she expect us to feel sorry for her because she didn’t show up to her court hearings? I guess this is an extreme circumstance of what happens to someone who enjoys life in the fast lane a little too much. I do of course realize that Spears has some disorders and that she has consistently been the whipping girl for the paparazzi more so than most celebrities. That cannot be an easy life to live. I also realize that our former Mouseketeer is not alone in the Celebrity Airhead Olympics as there are many others such as Lindsey Lohan who have been responsible for just as, and even more embarrassing displays of stupidity. Let’s not forget the account from her ex-bodyguard in which she allegedly attacked her crack dealer.

But like most people who come under fire from opposition, surely Spears could have tried to promote some notion that she was a somewhat responsible public icon. I think I missed seeing Conrad Black shaving his head. Or Michael Jackson giving his infant child driving lessons in his lap.

Yes the thought of a mother losing custody of her children is sad, but Britney, maybe you reaped just what you sowed.  I personally find it a little pathetic that K-Fed is seen as the more responsible one.

Furthermore, if so many stars who are able to lead ‘normal’ lives, why can’t all celebrities? It brings into question the reason as to why these people should have a seemingly endless supply of money to spend on cars, drugs, etc when there is so much poverty existing in the world.

On another note, how about people at the Oscars and other award events show up in jeans and a sweat shirt and donate the money that they’d spend on clothes to various charities? If we watch these things for the movies, as most of us claim to do, I don’t think anyone will care.

Peace.

Well I’m back. It goes without saying the how great a tropical climate is.

Anywho, that’s not what I want to talk about. The issue which caught my attention tonight arises from the Michael Moore’s movie Sicko which I watched with our friend Everyday Embellished.

As usual, Moore manages to expose facts which just boggle your mind. I lost count of how many times I clapped my hands to my face in disbelief.

While I don’t really want to launch into a whole gigantic conversation about universal health care, (which the US seriously needs to reevaluate) I just wanted to contemplate the basic notion of basic human decency.

To be honest, the idea just constantly perplexes me.

I just don’t understand how some people can just be so basically devoid of a sense of what is truly right. Okay, perhaps ‘devoid’ is a strong word. Maybe ignorant? Maybe it’s just more of a conscious decision to flip the right/wrong switch on everything we say and do. It just strikes me as odd how people are so divided in the world. While there are some people who genuinely want to help the world, there appear to be an almost intimidating number of people who seem almost intentionally committed in ensuring the detriment of the world. And I’m not simply talking about terrorists, or murderers, or whatever- I mean people who just don’t give a crap about anything or anyone. While the Almighty Dollar is certainly a centrifrugal force behind this appalling level of indifference, it is not the sole cause. Evidence of this can be seen in some shining examples among the wealthy and powerful who do seem inclined on improving the world, and not simply for the sake of promoting their public image.

Then what is it? What possibly can be the reason for this overwhelming and disgusting level of people just not give a shit about people?

Using Sicko as a prime example of this, the evidence of this is just too much to swallow. Insurance companies rejecting patients inflicted with serious ailments due to reasons such as past illnesses, poverty, or the fact that their cases do not seem ’serious’ is so absurd that it just doesn’t make sense.

seem ’serious’ is so absurd that it doesn’t make any sense.

For me, there were two particular areas in this movie which were of particular interest.

The first of these deals with the scene in which actual patients were ejected from hospitals mid-treatment simply because they lacked the financial means in which to pay for their entire operation. This act speaks for itself.

Secondly, the fact in which Moore brings attention to the immaculate medical facilities which are located on Guantanamo Bay in Cuba, which currently provides residence to the most hardened and notorious captured members of Al-Qaeda. While I’m by no means against providing sanitary conditions to prisoners of war I am a bit skeptical of this as they are enjoying a luxury that a majority of US citizens are not- free health care. The reasons for this are somewhat obvious. It seems that the federal government is more afraid of being viewed as an international dick head than it does about being a deaf douche bag to its own people. But that’s just my opinion.

This whole thing just makes me so exhausted and indifferent to these issues although I know that it’s ignorance which allows intolerance and cruelty to prosper.

I just want to try so hard to do the right thing. I want to be compassionate. I want to be loyal. I want to be decent But mostly I want to stand up for what is right.

I want to help and defend people… I just don’t know how… you know… without putting on a cape and fighting crime… which would be awesome…

Peace.

It is 1:25… I need sleep and people are yelling their frigging heads off.

It’s called closing a door. Is that so hard? What ever happened to respect? Punks…

This is why I’m getting an apartment. I need some reprieve from ignorance. Not that I’m against people hanging out… it’s just when it comes at the expense of other people I get touchy…

Maybe I’m just tired…

Time to go bust heads

PS

Poor 12 year old Karissa Boudreau… murdered on Valentines… happy holidays. The world is indeed a dark and dreary place. Rest in peace.

I have no idea how to begin this post, so I’ll just give the facts:

As of April 28th, 2006:

“Wade Smith, vice-principal at St. Patrick’s High School, said the education system is failing black students.

Putting forward the notion of a black school is something that people might not be comfortable with because it suggests that things aren’t working. Then I think you have to look at the possibility of a black school as something positive, that’s good for our culture and good for our people…”

Interestingly enough we see an opposition emerge from the African-Nova Scotian Board who claims that such a movement, as well meaning as it may be, may serve to reverse the gains made by Black people rather than progress them.

For me, such a proposition is a double edged sword and needs to be handled with extreme caution.

While it is definitely admirable that a teacher is willing to go to such lengths so that his students will succeed, it is important to consider the long term effects of this decision. While it may serve as an effective means in which to teach, preserve, and celebrate black culture, I cannot help but wonder how this will lend to future interactions between different ethnicities.

Rather than suggesting a reform that could alter Canada’s educational system forever, why not get the government to address these inefficiencies and help to promote more racial equality and institute more race awareness programs? Why not start it off on more primary levels so kids will be brought up with these basic life lessons along with their ABCs and arithmetic?

But, unfortunately, it’s easier said than done, as the right decision is hardly ever immediately acted upon.

In Toronto, a similar project is currently underway, this time targeting public schools. Rather than facing issues of integration, the prospect of a potential form of containment may lie down the road. While alternate plans such as a more Black culture-oriented curriculum is in effect, one cannot help but wonder what the future will bring.

As one black mother against this project is merely a form of “segregation.” Is she right?

For a country that allegedly prizes itself in diversity, what do these drastic solutions say about our level of racial tolerance? What does this say for North Americans who fought for basic rights of equality?

I wonder what Martin Luther King Jr. would say.

Peace,

Carey

Sources used:

http://www.thechronicleherald.ca/Canada/1034951.html

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2006/04/28/ns-schools060428.html

I watched Oliver Stone’s film, JFK today. During that 3 hour experience I couldn’t help but thinking about the course of history.

While I try to tend to view myself as something as a historian I never stop feeling regret for those whose lives were tragically cut short while fighting for the greater good.

As JFK is the driving catalyst behind this post, I feel it is suitable to use the former President as the central focus of my post. Furthermore, it goes without saying that is virtually impossible to associate Kennedy’s assassination without the countless possible conspiracies for his death.

By no means do I intend this to sound anarchic, paranoid, or worse… a cliche.

Studying history for the past three years, I have discerned that to be successful in this field, one must not build his arguments unless he or she knows the facts. Thus, it is for these reasons that I choose not to dwell on conspiracies for they are intricately complex and I also accept that I do not fully understand them.

I find that it is irrelevant to try to assign blame to the person, or persons, responsible for pulling the trigger on November 22nd, 1963. For me, the identity of the culprit means nothing in regards to the purpose of this post. Castro, Oswald, Shaw, Johnson… all names serve the same function: they show how the world has failed to exist as a single, cohesive unit to help improve the world we live in.

While I know Kennedy may have had some flaws in his presidency (i.e. Bay of Pigs, placement of U.S. advisers in Vietnam), it is his attempts to rectify the sorry, racist, and militaristic state that America had become by the 1960s that makes him an incredible national leader. For me, the biggest act of valiance exhibited by JFK in his brief presidency lay in the Civil Rights Movement and his means to reform the US army. By backing the Black Movements leader, Martin Luther King Jr., Kennedy demonstrated that the Black people were not completely alone in their fight.

As previously stated, his attempts to loosen the power that the army held on America is perhaps the biggest motive leading to his death. By introducing new legislation that sought to limit the army’s control and bring US troops home, a shock wave of anger was sent rippling through army leaders who felt the President jeopardized USA’s aggressive stance against Communism. Furthermore, this perspective enforce the likelihood that it was Kennedy’s own Vice-President, Lyndon Johnson who signed Kennedy’s execution papers so that the Vietnam War would continue, thus showing the Soviets, (and the world), that the US would bow down to no threat. In doing so, one can see how war is truly the driving force of any ’strong’ country.

While admittedly not the biggest fan of Kevin Costner, I feel that he surprisingly and effectively captured the sense of gratitude that Kennedy supporters felt towards their leader and how he was repulsed that the US government could promote such a blatant sense of dishonesty and secrecy towards its own citizens.

Such a realization seems to elicit an uncanny foreshadow of events occurring today with the Bush administration. As stated before, I won’t dwell upon US politics as I don’t want to assert inaccuracies but I nevertheless feel like there are inexplicable links between these two instances. Interestingly enough, there have been no further assassinations upon presidents, (aside from Regan’s near brush with death designed to impress Jodie Foster). While admittedly not the biggest fan of George Bush Jr, I think the fact that Bush is still alive deals greatly with his obsession for a US a military victory over his Islamic enemies… take that in what sense you will. For me, this also raises the question as to what the fate will be for more moderate and less war-crazed presidents. Will they meet Kennedy’s fate, or can they finally manage to improve the world?

When thinking of John F. Kennedy, it is also pertinent to honour the memory of Abraham Lincoln, who sought to unite the north and south peacefully after the Civil War, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr., who so powerfully advocated Black Rights, Gandhi, who resisted the dominant and detrimental forces of imperialism. I realize these are obvious examples, but they are only so because of what they accomplished.

The list goes on.

I hope this did not come off as rambling or over-dramatic. I hope it served to inspire my friends to continue to help the voiceless and to never think that they aren’t making a difference.

In history, we will always need people to help spread the truth, to stand up to oppression, and to change the world.

And if you must pay with your life for helping so many people, you will be remembered for your efforts… and that really doesn’t like too bad of a deal.

Peace,

Carey

I think today might be proof enough as to why winter is a pain. I think a season that endangers lives and prevents you from seeing anything is a valid enough reason.

Not that winter’s terrible, there’s just a subtle difference between the nice snow of yesterday and today’s abysmal blizzard of today… especially when school isn’t canceled.

63 dollars for a Hepatitis A shot to prevent death in the Dominican. Kinda thing that pays for itself.

I hope.

I’m going to try more insightful things in the future